Overcoming Fear of Failure: Transform Setbacks into Growth

Fear is one of the most fundamental emotions we experience as human beings. It manifests in different ways—fear of the unknown, fear of judgment, and most commonly, fear of failure. In a recent session with Dr. Sumita Banerjea, an esteemed author, educator, and counselor, the seniors of Sukoon Unlimited explored this universal emotion and discussed strategies to manage it effectively.

Understanding Fear and Its Impact

Dr. Banerjea began the session by asking the participants to define fear in their own words. The responses were insightful:

• A sensory perception of a threat
• Hesitation to take action
• The risk of bad results
• An attack on one’s ego
• Stage fright and social withdrawal
• A lack of confidence

One of the key takeaways from this discussion was that fear is often rooted in the belief that we are not good enough. This belief, ingrained from childhood experiences such as academic report cards or social expectations, continues to shape our actions and self-perception as we age.

Reframing Failure: The Power of Perspective

Dr. Banerjea introduced an interesting acronym for FEAR:

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real

She explained that failure is not an absolute outcome but rather a perception based on our expectations. If we redefine failure, we take away its power to control our actions. Instead of seeing it as a dead-end, we can view it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

The session included inspiring anecdotes of individuals who transformed their fear into success:

• Colonel Sanders started KFC at 65 after facing multiple rejections.
• Mohr Keet went bungee jumping at the age of 96, proving that age is not a barrier to overcoming fear.
• A participant shared her experience of stage fright, explaining how practice and self-acceptance helped her speak confidently in public.

Practical Strategies to Manage Fear

Dr. Banerjea shared some actionable steps to help seniors manage their fear of failure:

1. Acknowledge Fear: Accepting that fear is natural reduces its intensity.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Replace “I am not good enough” with “I am capable of learning and improving.”
3. Break It Down: Divide big tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
4. Seek Support: Engage in discussions, practice in a supportive environment, and learn from others' experiences.
5. Celebrate Effort Over Outcome: Focus on what was learned rather than what was lost.

Failure—it’s a word that carries weight, burdened with past disappointments, self-doubt, and societal expectations. Many of us hesitate to try new things, not because we lack ability, but because we are afraid to fail. But what if we changed the way we looked at failure?

Where Does the Fear of Failure Come From?

Our fear of failure often stems from:

1. Past Memories – A childhood experience where we stumbled in front of an audience or a past career setback can make us hesitant to take risks again.
2. Unrealistic Expectations – We often set rigid standards for ourselves, believing that anything less than perfection is unacceptable.
3. Negative Self-Talk – The labels we attach to ourselves, such as “I am a failure,” restrict our ability to see our potential.

From “Failure” to “Falling”

Simon Sinek, a well-known speaker, suggests that instead of labeling ourselves as failures, we should see setbacks as ‘falling.’ If we fall, we can get back up, learn, and try again. This subtle shift in language changes our mindset from a sense of finality to a sense of possibility.

Think about a child learning to walk. They stumble, they fall, but they don’t give up. They don’t label themselves as failures; they simply try again. Why should it be any different for us as adults?

Breaking Free from the Fear of Failure

1. Acknowledge and Accept the Fear

Denying fear doesn’t make it disappear. Instead, acknowledging that fear exists allows us to work through it. Fear can either paralyze us or push us to prepare better. When we accept that setbacks are a part of growth, we become more resilient.

2. Deconstruct the Fear

One way to deal with fear is to break it down. A great example is a woman who was petrified of scorpions. She lived in an area where they were common, and the fear impacted her daily life. To overcome it, she read extensively about scorpions—their habits, risks, and how to safely handle encounters. Knowledge gave her a sense of control.

Similarly, if we fear failure in a particular area, gaining more knowledge and preparation can reduce the anxiety associated with it.

3. Rework Your Thoughts

Our thoughts shape our emotions. If we repeatedly tell ourselves, “I will fail,” we create an anxious and threatened state of mind. Instead, we can shift our thinking:

• Original Thought: “I will fail.”
• Reframed Thought: “I might face challenges, but I will learn from them.”

This shift allows us to see setbacks as learning experiences rather than dead ends.

Failure as a Stepping Stone

History is filled with people who faced repeated failures but refused to let them define their journeys:

• Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before inventing the light bulb.
• J.K. Rowling was rejected by multiple publishers before Harry Potter became a global sensation.
• Colonel Sanders of KFC fame faced over 1,000 rejections before his chicken recipe was accepted.

These individuals didn’t see failure as an end—they saw it as a necessary step toward success.

From Fear to Confidence: The Power of Small Steps

Have you ever felt paralyzed by the fear of failure? That nagging voice inside your head telling you, "What if I don't succeed?" or "What if people don't appreciate my work?" If so, you're not alone. Many of us, regardless of age or experience, grapple with self-doubt. But what if the key to overcoming this fear isn't in waiting for confidence to magically appear but in taking small, deliberate steps forward?

Ashok Bhandari, a passionate writer, shared his journey of how he started writing poems and articles in his mother tongue. Initially, he submitted his work to newspapers, and after getting published a couple of times, he gained the confidence to continue. His experience highlights a fundamental truth—success isn’t built overnight. Like the towering Qutub Minar, which wasn’t constructed in a day, achievements are a result of small, consistent efforts.

Instead of waiting for the "perfect moment," start small. If you want to write, begin with a single blog. If you want to exercise, try just one session. If you want to speak publicly, practice in front of a mirror. Small steps create momentum, and momentum breeds confidence.

Acknowledge Your Fear but Don't Let It Stop You

Fear is a natural emotion. As Sumita Banerjea pointed out, it's important to recognize and accept fear instead of pushing it away. The key is to acknowledge it and then move forward despite it. When you say, "Yes, I am scared, but I will still try," you take back control. This shift in mindset transforms fear from a roadblock into a stepping stone.

Who you surround yourself with plays a crucial role in your journey. Captain Haridas emphasized the importance of discussing your fears and aspirations with close friends and well-wishers. Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and encourage you rather than those who feed your doubts makes a world of difference. Seek out those who believe in your potential and remind you that failure is just a part of the learning process.

Separate Failure from Self-Worth

One of the biggest misconceptions about failure is that it defines who we are. But as Sumita wisely said, "I am not a failure. I may not have succeeded in a particular attempt, but that does not mean I am a failure as a person."

Think of failure as an event, not an identity. It’s simply feedback, an opportunity to learn and grow. The most successful people in history—whether writers, scientists, or entrepreneurs—have all faced setbacks. What sets them apart is their ability to keep going.

Take That First Step Today

If you’ve been holding yourself back, let today be the day you take that first step. Start with something manageable. Write one paragraph. Walk for five minutes. Reach out to a mentor. Whatever it is, just start.

Success isn’t about giant leaps—it’s about consistent, small steps. And with each step, your confidence will grow, your fears will shrink, and before you know it, you’ll look back and realize just how far you’ve come.

So, what’s your first small step going to be?